Fear

Before I delve too much into the recent chapter in Thurman's book, I'd like to share my thoughts on previous discussions and our night at Reba. After reflecting on some of our conversation from last Wednesday I began to think that while the intended audience of this book may not be us, we can still relate because in some way or another we have had similar experiences (though they may be less oppressive or obvious).

Growing up in a fairly wealthy family in a midwest suburb I found myself in a poverty not of physical or material things, but of a spiritual and emotional effect. I lacked identity and community feeling forced into a lifestyle that did not make much sense to me at all. After a thorough reading of the New Testament I was particularly hit by the way Jesus interacts with the people of different social classes and his statement of it being more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than it is to fit a camel through the eye of a needle. How in my wealth, individualism and comfort could I possibly live out the call that Christ has for me? I found myself pressed into a life of comfort that I did not agree with and, oddly enough, felt oppressed because my views were seen as irrational. I did not quite understand how oppressive monetary wealth could be until I had experienced the opposite situation and saw how it was freeing.

As far as my experience with Reba, I really appreciate the differences in age as being a college student surrounds me with people who are typically just within a 5 year age range and lacks the wisdom that comes with that diversity.

Fear seems to be a funny thing, because while I was conforming to the typical life of a white male it took fear to shake me out of that life of comfort and advantage. Then while I was fearful I was molded into a person that lived on the faithfulness of Christ. My fear was not that I was disadvantaged because I had no status or money, but my fear was that I was disadvantaged because of my status and money. I saw the evil that wealth does to a person and the emptiness found in wealth and material possessions, your possessions eventually possess you. My fear was also derived in the questioning of God's existence, not that he did not exist but that he existed as a malevolent hateful God torturing me with money, guilt and shame. It took the faith of the oppressed to lead me to believe in the loving yet just God we find in Christ.

Thurman is right on when he talks about fear and it is interesting how he says, "It ill behooves the man who is not forced to live in a ghetto to tell those who must how to transcend its limitations." The reason Jesus can speak so effectively to the disinherited is because he was in the same position as well. What I wonder though is how I can help the situation as one who is advantaged, even though I cannot help it. That's been something that has been driving me insane for years.